If you read my last post then you should know how I’m feeling
Now the reason why im feeling like this is because school is starting soon.
School gives me the worst fucking anxiety than anything else. The very thought of school makes me tear up. School has never been a good experience for me. I was and still am being teased a lot about my weight, my grades, and how I don’t look like my mom.
I’ve always been overweight. And I’ve always been made fun of because of this. My “friends” did it, students did it, my older brother did it, my older brothers friends, and my mom kind of did without her really realizing it.
My grades are gross. I fail all the time. This is because my mom always did my homework for me which led to me failing test and quizzes. My “friends” would start laughing at me and my brother would brag to my face how he has all A’s. My mom said that I should be more like my brother and get better grades.
My mom is 50% African American and 50% Vietnamese. Yes I am related to my mom, I just look extremely like my grandma on my dad’s side. People always said that I was adopted, including my brother. I remember him saying really awful things like how I was the reason why our parents broke up and that I wasn’t related to them which actually really fucking hurts. My “friends” said that I was racist when I said that I’m part African American. They said that I was trying to hard to fit in. Well more like desperate. My brother looks more like my mom btw. He’s much darker.
I literally hate my brother so much. He’s caused so much fucking pain. When I hot home from school after hours of being teased, he would be right there, saying hurtful things. Let me say that I was 5 when he started saying these things to me. He likes to call me “fatass” “dumbass” “retarded” and “ugly”. I remember those words the most. I remember whenever I tried to talk he would tell me to “shut up, halle. No one wants to frickin hear you.” So I’d shut my mouth. He told his friends that it was okay to call me names. One of his friends liked to call me a hippo. He always fucking called me that. Then later he’d flirt with me. Made me think that he actually fucking liked me. But nope. He was fucking playing around.
Believe it or not, he was the first person that I told that I cut myself. I remember it clearly. I knocked on his door and he answered. I asked “can I show you something? But you can’t tell anyone, okay? Please? I really need to tell someone..” He grunted a reply and I showed him my cuts/scars. You know what he said? “Okay” and slammed the door in my face. I was actually shocked. I thought that he would’ve cared. But no. He didn’t. He didn’t ducking care.
No wonder I’m fucked up.
I’m feeling really distress for some reason
Like I feel like I don’t belong in The Beatles fandom anymore
I feel like if my blog was gone no one would notice or care..
I’m just gonna go for awhile
Proof that tumblr is filled with psychopaths
(In the best way)
Welcome to the land of psychopaths and fandoms.
I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE HIm AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST ANOTHER PRETTY CHEERLEAder
he’s the prettiest cheerleader of the all
i found this on my computer. WHEN IN THE LIVING FUCK DID I MAKE THIS?!
I haven’t done a colour edit in a long while but this picture is one of my favorites of John and i fancied having a go at it (there are a few bits i missed, sorry).
But anyway this is Johnny and Alf in around 1964/5.
guys, i said arabs smell. doesn’t mean i don’t like them. it’s just a fact. if that makes me a racist then i dont give a fuck and im not deleting. you’re pathetic. so
im exploring the darkest depths of the internet
im going to do this
theres no going back now
if i dont survive
tell my mother i love her
*swirls chocolate milk in a wine glass*
Always going to reblog to bring happiness to my blog and spread beautifulness
When you hear your favorite song in a public place